A 38-year-old father is navigating an all-too-common balancing act of full-time work, single parenting and, now, caregiving for his mother.
After a fall and early signs of dementia, his 73-year-old mom moved in. While he’s not in a financial crisis, the pressure is mounting. Between work, caring for his 6-year-old son and supporting his mom, he’s not sure how he’ll manage the situation.
On the financial side, he has to decide whether he should rent or sell his mom’s vacant condo. And emotionally, he needs advice on how to set boundaries with his mother without feeling guilty. He’s also feeling isolated as most of his friends aren’t in his situation, yet.
His story isn’t unique. According to the Pew Research Center, a third of all Americans — and half of Americans in their 40s — are finding themselves part of the “sandwich generation” that cares for both children and parents at the same time.
Here’s what to know if you’re in a similar spot.
Caring for a parent with early-stage dementia can be overwhelming — but you don’t have to figure it out alone. The first step is to tap into local, state and federal resources that can help reduce both your workload and out-of-pocket costs.
Start by contacting your local Area Agency on Aging (AAA). Every state has one, and these agencies can help you build a care plan, connect you with adult day programs and explain what in-home services might be available. You can search for yours at Eldercare.acl.gov or by calling 1-800-677-1116.
Next, research Medicaid and Medicare programs. (Medicare helps aging Americans while Medicaid helps low-income Americans — your parents may be eligible for one or both.) The Medicaid waiver program, for example, can help cover in-home care costs. Some of these programs even allow family members to be compensated for caregiving, which could help if you decide to reduce your hours or shift your work schedule in the future. Searching “Medicaid waiver programs [your state]” should point you in the right direction.
If you’re considering selling or renting your mom’s vacant condo to fund care, consult with an elder law attorney first. Medicaid has strict rules about assets and income, and the timing of a sale could affect eligibility and costs. An attorney can also help with important legal documents, like advance care directives or a power of attorney — both crucial while your mom is still in the early stages of cognitive decline.